The Randoms: School Daze

Ryan immediately picked up a mirror from his desk (where did that come from?) and started fussing with his hair. Steve couldn't stop staring. It was the oddest thing to see a grown man, in a business suit, with a high and tight cheerleader's ponytail. A ponytail he seemed to suddenly really care about. "Where the hell did that come from??" Steve asked, trying to contain his confusion. "I have, like, a million at home," Ryan said, thinking he meant the ribbon. "So do you!" When Ryan said that Steve suddenly felt a tickle between his shoulder blades and a tightness across his scalp. He turned to the mirror on the side of his cubicle (did he always have that?) and saw a nearly identical hairstyle atop his own head! Only a slightly different shade of blonde, and his bow was royal blue instead of yellow. "Ryan, something weird is going on, man. Remember what we were talking about on the elevator, 'The Randoms'? Well... I think that's happening, right here!" Ryan stifled a chuckle and rolled his eyes. "C'mon Steve. I'm not falling for that one. What, is Lester McCann suddenly 8 months pregnant? She's such a slut anyway. Did Mrs. Brockman grow a second head?" "Wait, *Mrs.* Brockman? You mean the Jason, the intern?" "Intern? What? No, I mean our math teacher! Speaking of which, did you get your homework done? I need to copy a couple of your answers..." "Homework?! What the fuck is going on! What *is* all this? And what's the deal with this 'Cougars' stuff?" "Uh, duh! Earth to Steve, that's our mascot." "Mascot? Why would we have a mascot?" Ryan wasn't sure what Steve was on about but decided to humor him anyway. "Everyone has a mascot! There's the South Shore Rebels, the Central High Hawks, and us - the Donnelly Corporation Cougars! Who else would we be cheering for this Friday?" "*Cheering?*" "But seriously, did you do the math homework? My dad said if I don't get my grades up this semester I can't keep using his credit card. So lame." Steve was feeling overwhelmed. The only thing he could think of was to get out of here. He stood up, feeling a bit woozy at all this new information (and maybe his ponytail was a little too tight). He made his way along the rows of cubicles. It was an even odder sight. Lena Willis was focused on her computer, but on the back of her chair hung a blue and yellow varsity jacket with a football patch sewn on the back. He passed Lester McCann's desk (who Ryan had just called a slut) - he was busy brushing mascara into his eyelashes. He glanced out to the front reception area and saw Carol answering phones like a pro as always - but now she was absentmindedly tossing a football into the air and catching it. Finally, he got to the one place he could think of to get away from all the craziness, at least for a second - the bathroom. He shoved the door open and stumbled to the sink, steadying himself against the porcelain. It suddenly seemed a bit draftier in here. He looked again at his reflection and gasped. His standard business suit was gone. Instead, he was standing there in a super short A-line skirt, a white long sleeve bodysuit, and a sleeveless top with the word "Cougars" embroidered in fancy script. The weirdest thing was he still had his 32 year-old male body (except it was totally devoid of body hair, and it looked like he'd recently spent some time in a tanning salon). And was that... makeup on his face?! As he was still trying to process all of this, he saw Ryan burst into the bathroom behind him. In the mirror's reflection he saw that Ryan now had the exact same uniform as him, also perfectly tailored to his body. He didn't look nearly as freaked out though, but he still seemed concerned for his friend. "Hey BFF," Ryan asked him, "What's the matter?"