My thoughts

My thoughts for what its worth: It's certainly a good start. Very imaginative, and only a few minor grammar mistakes. Nothing that makes it unreadable though. Personally, I am not too fond of the 'create a magic device' plot. It's a bit like wishing unlimited wishes. This is just a personal thing though and if you enjoy writing it, that's all that matters. What Zoe says is... way way out there. So a lot of props on imagination there too. ;)