Jon's game: First quest
Soitu on 9/27/2021 8:30:20 AM
Episode last modified by Soitu on 9/30/2021 7:18:06 AM
1891 hits, 197 views, 7 upvotes.
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Go after the girl (12)
I also highly enjoy this thread. Thank you for the hard work! I may be wrong, but I think there may be one inconsistency with wishes introduced in "Jon wishes to be a video game protagonist" episode: Jon made a wish "I wish my life would become more like the life of a protagonist from a video game I would enjoy!". If the game does not consider Emily to be the same person as Jon, then this wish might not have been granted. After all, Jon referred to his life in the wish. Of course you may have plans to explain that down the road. I have some suspicions, as it seems other wishes: about not modifying mind, or having way out, also have not worked. And even if not, and this is inconsistency, I believe that it does not impact the current story in any considerable way. Thanks!
I love your story, please continue! An advice: I would like to see Karyn a little more evil and devious vs Jon/Emily. She has a great power and I would like she use it.
Thank you. As for Karyn, I'm not sure where this will go. I tend to let the characters write themselves, so I don't know in advance how they will turn out from here, but I do intend to have her abuse her power at some point, even if she might regret it later.
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoy it. For what you mentionned, it's not an inconsistancy, I don't know if I will do something with it in the future so... Maybe spoiler ahead? It's nothing major anyway. Jon and Emily are the same person, but for the game, Emily is the main character of the game and it can't treat her like a player, but it needs to have a template for what Jon as a player would like, and so, they are treated like 2 different persons. (That can change later if I have a better idea, but that's how I see it right now)
More English help! "after some time passed or after you did something." should read "after some time has passed or after you do something." "was still even more crowded" should be either "was even more crowded" or "was still more crowded", though the second one is better used as a comparison to some thing that comes next in the sentence. That is something like "was still more crowded than earlier", but this structure doesn't really fit in with the rest of the sentence. "don't take any risk." while what's there isn't actually wrong, it would be more usual to say "risks" here. Explaining why is hard and I'm not sure how to do it. "go in this alley" should probably be phrased as "go down that alley"