They're In a Malfunctioning Computer Simulation

At first, Jon and Sarah braced themselves for what Biff was about to see, but as it turned out, they were doing more staring at _him_ than he was doing at _them_. "Biff?" Sarah asked, wondering if her boyfriend had lost his mind. Though given what they had found in the bedroom drawers and closet, maybe the whole _world_ had lost its mind. The star quarterback was just as muscular as usual, having the same buzz-cut hairstyle, and it was _him_. But the rest of him? He was wearing a flower-print summer dress and 3-inch heels. On his legs were skin-tone pantyhose, showing clumps of matted hair on his legs. His ears were pierced with small, but dangly earrings and there was a pearl necklace around his neck. Oh, and he was wearing make-up - eyes, lips, nails, all of it. It looked really weird with his stubble-covered face. Biff blushed. "Oh you noticed, huh? When I signed up for this thing, I didn't know I was gonna have to play the part of a woman," he said. "No amount of extra credit is worth _this_." "Play the part of a woman? What are you talking about?" Sarah demanded. "What do you mean? You don't know? Oh, man, I heard that some users were having this problem. I just didn't think you'd be one of them." "Jon doesn't know either," Sarah said. "Really? That's weird. One person not remembering, that's one thing. But the person you're paired with ...?" "Just tell us what's going on," Jon said, maybe a little too bluntly. "We're all in a computer simulation. The point of it is that we're supposed to be living lives where we're married to a person we don't like. That part was done right, but some kind of computer error caused our parts to be reversed. So now guys are playing the parts of the wives, and the girls are playing the parts of the husbands. Believe me, this is totally fucking weird, but there's nothing I can do about it. I tried. I tried to wear something _I_ wanted instead of what my part would wear. Nothing fits me! And when I tried to go without wearing make-up, I was forced to put it on. It's like the computer program took control of my hands and made them put make-up on me, not to mention jewelry. I hope this simulation ends soon. I don't think I can take this anymore. And it's not just this weird reverse gender shit. I'm talking about the person they made me married to." "Who's that?" Sarah asked. Biff responded by saying ...